Tips for Parenting Twins in a Crisis
When the latest pandemic hit, our lives drastically changed (as they did with countless families across the world). I’m incredibly grateful that our situation wasn’t so bad – we both have our jobs, none of our family got sick, we have a big 3 bedroom condo, etc. But that doesn’t mean it was easy. So I’ve collected all the tips for parenting twins in a crisis that have worked for us.
We’re trying to be everything to everyone, yet society has not been built this way. Humans and mothers are not supposed to be able to do a full-time job AND be a full-time mom AND be a teacher AND keep house AND do it all with no support system.
To do all this with one child can be intense. Parenting TWINS in a crisis…wow.
Many of us are trying to balance it all, yet feeling like we’re failing in every area. To feel that every night, week after week, can be incredibly taxing.
If you’re feeling that way, you’re in good company. I know interns who feel this way, and CEOs who feel this way. It’s why I shared my video of what quarantine was like in my Twin Mom Quarantine Tips.
It’s also not just this latest pandemic. If you’re experiencing a different crisis, you may be going through much deeper struggles. Mama, if I could reach out and give you a virtual hug, I would. Feel free to send me an email if you need a supportive word or virtual hug.
Either way, this list of eight tips for parenting twins in a crisis might help.
1. Lower Expectations
Are you the kind of person who thrives on accomplishments and has big dreams? Me too, sister!
I would love to use this time to take courses, dive into blogging, learn a new language. In fact, there’s a work course I really want to take, but my hubby made a great point – will adding on more enhance your life or make it feel more impossible?
This is a finite time. Consider trying to be okay with people waiting for an email reply, with toys around the house, and with not having it all together right now.
2. Slow Dooooown
Many of us feel the need to hustle forward in this world. Even during this crazy time, it can be tempting to keep going, going, going.
And don’t get me wrong – you absolutely can. But what if we look at the gap in our schedules as a good thing? As time to focus on what really matters to us?
There are so few times in life when this slowness is forced on you. Think of the things that will truly bring you joy, and eliminate the “should”s from your world for the next little while.
3. Create a Gratitude list
This was SO helpful for me. When this scary, unknown time started, it was easy to let my mind rush towards a million “what if”s.
Instead, I wrote down what I was happy for. If you need idea starters, check out the Top 10 Reasons Having Twins Is Awesome. Some things on my list:
- A healthy family, above all else
- A great home and roof over our heads
- A vehicle, to be able to take weekend adventures into nature
- The fact that our city is quite close to nature
- Not having to do the morning daycare rush out the door
- More family dinners together
- Ability to pop out of work for a cuddle
- A flexible work schedule and a salary that continues
- Technology that allows us to stay connected
- Zoom parties with friends I haven’t seen in forever
- And, truly, so much more.
4. Create a List of Activities
In the moments when the boredom rages and the bickering starts, and the chorus of “miiiiiine” starts, this can be so helpful.
Having a list of things that can occupy and interest them. For example, some of mine for our four year old were:
- Play-dough
- Bubble sensory activity
- Stickers
- Create a fort
- Read books
- Age-appropriate puzzle
- Baking activity
- Masking tape car track on the floor
- Pretend food prep
- Etc.
Whenever I was at a loss, and didn’t want to resort to screen time, we had a list I could go back to.
5. Plan Fun Adventures
A trip to a secluded beach, a bike ride, a hike through nature – there are so many fun things to do if you just look. No matter how urban your home setting is (our condo is in the heart of Vancouver), getting into wide open spaces is good for our souls.
When we’re struggling, one of the best things I can do is to pack up a quick picnic lunch and hit the open road. We don’t stress about mealtime, we get some sunshine on our skin (and souls), and we burn off energy in the great outdoors.
6. Be Kind To Yourself
Mama, this is a hard time. Whether it’s the pandemic, or another crisis you’re facing, it’s very likely an extraordinary time. Not having the same patience, optimism, creativity, or energy that you normally have is so common.
In fact, if you read about psychology, some say your brain operates differently in times of crisis. The fact that you can’t seem to focus or keep a positive outlook can be your brain’s way of focusing on where it needs to right now.
So, be kind to yourself. And also…
7. Find Things That Bring You Joy
No matter how hard life can seem right now, it is still possible to find small things that can bring you joy.
The aroma of a hot coffee in the morning. Feeling sunshine pouring on you from your house window. The sound of a child laughing. That ridiculous cat video that makes you laugh, no matter how hard you try not to.
Make a list of those things – tiny and huge – that bring sparks of joy into your life. Now is the time to surround yourself with them.
8. Connect
At the end of the day, crises can challenge us to our cores. It doesn’t matter if something “should” feel easier – it matters how it does feel, to you, in that moment.
If it feels exhausting, and hard, and overwhelming…you’re allowed to feel that way. You’re going through something huge and intense. And while it will get better in time, remember that it’s okay if you’re not okay right now.
Lean into your people. I almost always find that talking about it and connecting with those I love helps take a load off of my shoulders.
You’ve Got This, Mama
Parenting twins on a good day can be challenging. Parenting twins in a crisis can be overwhelming – and that does NOT mean you’re a bad parent. It means you’re human.
We are only capable of so much. When challenges hit, it’s natural that life can suddenly feel overwhelming. Focusing on the positives, the connection, the little things that make life better, will allow you to give the best version of yourself to your twins. Do not feel guilty for this, mama.
And as always, if you could use a chat, please send me an email. It’s why I started this site – to support new twin moms along their journey. I’m here for you, and I’m sending love your way.
~ Danielle
Read Next:
Top 10 Reasons Having Twins Is Awesome
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