12 Mistakes New Twin Parents Make (+ How To Avoid Them)
Is there a twin parent alive who hasn’t made a mistake in the early days of parenting? I’d like to meet them. We can prepare, and prepare, and prepare for twins, but a lot of twin parenting skills are simply learned on the job. To help you avoid some of the pitfalls that new twin parents fall into, I wanted to share a list of mistakes new twin parents can make.
By bypassing them, you’re already ahead of the curve. If you’ve done some of these already, don’t worry. It just means you’re human, like the rest of us. Looking at it now, I can look at this list with a smirk, knowing I’ve done pretty much every single one of these myself.
MISTAKE 1 – GIVING ALL OF YOURSELF
Don’t get me wrong, you should absolutely give your all to your kids…just not all of your all.
Hold onto a little in reserve. As they say on planes, if you don’t put your own oxygen mask on first, there’s nobody else to put it on for you.
This is definitely a mistake I was guilty of many times in my first year with twins. Parenting can take over your life, and if you’re not careful, you can lose your sense of personal identity.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Try to schedule in some down time, even just a little, to ensure you’re not running on empty. While you may worry it feels selfish to book yourself a massage while your twins are at home without you, you’re refilling your tank to make you a better parent – and that’s good for everyone.
MISTAKE 2 – NOT PRIORITIZING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
It can be so easy to let your relationship with your partner slide as you both prioritize your little ones. You can easily become ships passing in the night. Date nights can feel impossible to schedule, especially if you don’t have family around to babysit.
As much as possible, try to schedule moments to connect. It can be as simple as having a nice dinner at the table and lighting a few candles after the kiddos have gone to bed.
Your kids rely on your strong bond as parents, so do what you need to to stay strong as a couple.
MISTAKE 3 – RUNNING OUT OF SUPPLIES
Reaching for a diaper and finding an empty box…going to refill the formula machine to find no more tubs in the cupboard…pulling out the last wipe and finding no replacements…I’m guilty of them all.
If there’s something you go through on a regular basis, keep extra of it around; it will save you time, money, and stress. Don’t find yourself guilty of one of the mistakes new twin parents make (like I was), and send your partner on a midnight diaper run, spending almost double the price.
MISTAKE 4 – DEMANDING THE “RIGHT” WAY
Let your mother-in-law bathe your twins her way, even if it’s not the way you meticulously researched: they’ll be bathed.
Allow your bestie to dress them in outfits you wouldn’t have picked: they’ll be clothed.
Let your husband feed them dinner and get some of it in their hair: they’ll be fed.
Yes, your way is probably the best way…but remember that done is often better than perfect. Unless it impacts your twins’ safety, try to let a few things slide when people offer to help. You’ll do it your way next time.
MISTAKE 5 – STAYING UP LATE
I used to think if I could carve out four hours to myself in the evening and go on a Netflix binge, I’d feel more like my old self. Instead, it ended up leaving me exhausted and cranky the next day – not the best version of myself.
As tempting as it is to stay up late for you time, I’ll bet you feel more like yourself if you’re well rested (you know, like you used to be). As hard as it was, on the nights I dragged myself to bed at the same time as my twins, I felt like a whole new woman the next day (cue Wonder Woman pose).
MISTAKE 6 – PRIORITIZING THE WRONG THING
The dust can wait. The dishes can wait. The shopping, and the visit to the office, and the cute social media video can wait.
Your job right now is to feed your babies and sleep. Feed and sleep, feed and sleep, repeat. Let the housework lay. It will still be there in a few months’ time.
If there’s one thing on the list of mistakes new twin parents make that may be the most fun in overcoming, it’s this one. Stop excessively cleaning, let go of responsibilities, and just be with your babies. Call it a vacation from real life.
MISTAKE 7 – NOT ACCEPTING HELP
We all need help. Every human on this planet, regardless of how independent or self-sufficient they are, depends on the support of our fellow humankind to survive.
Never is this truer than when we bring more humans into the world. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” has been around forever because it rings true. And if it’s true for one child, then it must take a city to raise twins.
In fact, caregivers for six-month-old triplets spend, on average, 198 hours per week caring for children and household chores (from parents, to paid help, to volunteer help) found a recent study.
The interesting part? There are only 168 hours in a week. That means that caring for them would require more time than you have in a week. Plus, don’t forget about fitting in that pesky little thing called sleep.
Therefore, it is vital that you accept the need for support – and that you be open to it. Of all the times in life to accept help, having twins is definitely one of them.
MISTAKE 8 – LOSING PERSPECTIVE
Next up on the list of mistakes new twin parents make is losing perspective. As Robert Frost said, “this, too, shall pass”.
Eventually, your twins will be five-year-olds, and (as hard as it may be to believe) even these middle-of-the-night wakeups may hold a rosy glow in the years to come.
So, enjoy these exhausting, loud, intense days. You’ll very likely long to return to them some day.
MISTAKE 9 – NOT CONNECTING WITH OTHER TWIN PARENTS
In my experience, twin parents just get it. They understand the unique challenges that come with twins, and have experienced it first hand.
Your twin tribe is out there: online, on social media, in twin meetups, in playgrounds, in libraries, all around you. Search them out, ask questions, and lean on this special group of people.
And, when the time comes, help the next batch of wide-eyed twin parents-to-be with all the tips and tricks you’ve picked up along the way.
MISTAKE 10 – DOING EVERYTHING THE BOOKS TELL YOU
Parenting books, blogs, and websites help guide us on what to expect and how to overcome challenges when they hit you. I’m personally so grateful that I found the twin blogs I did, and that they helped me navigate through my first year with twins.
That said, no twin resource, not even this one, is going to know your babies like you do.
If there’s something I state in my website, but your gut tells you differently – listen to your gut. You will learn who your little ones are and what works for them, in time.
MISTAKE 11 – ONLY STICKING TO HOME BASE
It can be so tempting to hole up at home, in your safe little cocoon that you’ve created.
However, once your doctor gives you the green-light, do your best to get yourself and your little ones outside. Even if it’s just for a ten-minute walk around the block, or to grab a coffee, you may be surprised how some fresh air and Vitamin D can totally refresh you. Becoming a part of the world again can bring you back to your old self.
MISTAKE 12 – SKIPPING SCHEDULES
Specifically with twins, skipping schedules can be a killer. Sure, skipping naps for special events can be worth it, but regularly opting out of a routine can result in almost zero recharge time for yourself.
If you feed, change, put down for naps, and wake your twins at the same time, you have a chance to get some quality alone time. Having twins on different nap and feeding schedules, however, is a surefire way to be “on” 24/7.
I’ve made this mistake, and thought it was worth it to let a sleeping baby sleep – but after a few times of being woken 30min later, having to feed that “peaceful sleeping baby”, I learned my lesson. When one wakes, the other gets woken and fed too. It’s your best chance for sleep and sanity.
We ALL Make Mistakes
Truly, mama, there’s no way to get through parenting without making a single mistake. I’m of the opinion that the more real we are about our parenting journeys, and the more honest we are about the struggles, the more we end up supporting one another.
Because that’s what it ultimately comes down to: supporting one another along this journey.
We are human, we are real. We fall down…and then we get back up. There were days I crumbled to the floor and cried with my babies. But the moment after that? The one after I felt like retreating?
I got up.
I splashed water on my face, threw on some lip gloss, and went out to face the world. The days got easier, each month becoming better than the last. Hopefully these mistakes new twin parents make has only been able to prep Nyou for some of the mistakes – there’s no way to limit them all.
The universe has chosen you for the incredible experience of being a twin mom. You may not know why. But one day, it may be tomorrow, or it may be months from now, you’ll look around. You’ll look up from your dinner prep, or your coffee mug, or your laptop, and see your two babies playing with each other, and your heart may grow so big you’ll think it may burst.
The universe chose you for this. It knew what it was doing.
Read Next:
What My First Month with Twins Was Really Like
The Best Advice for Twins I Ever Received
Week By Week Twin Pregnancy Experience
Follow Along On Social @TwinWinning
