How To Encourage Individuality in Twins: By Ali Dunn of MeTwoBooks
If you like this post on how to encourage individuality in twins, make sure to check out our other twin baby tips, including the ultimate twin pregnancy to do list, created to help make your life with twins easier.
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“Are they twins…how do you tell them apart?”
People often ask me how to tell my identical twins apart. This question can be tricky to answer, because to me they look similar, but not the same. However, I know for others it can be a challenge. Twins are often thought of as a package deal. But as a parent of multiples, fostering my twins’ individuality is a priority. So how to encourage individuality in twins?
I want to ensure that my twins realize that they are two unique individuals born at the same time. While I am certainly not an expert, here are a few of the intentional steps I take to build their sense of self.
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1. Notice Differences
It’s natural for people to look for the similarities when it comes to twins. But I try to make a habit of noticing the differences in my twins and encourage others to as well.
To encourage individuality in twins, I rarely dress my twins alike, especially if I know they will be around new people at school, or at a gathering with extended family. If my twins will be meeting new people, I encourage them to wear some sort of identifying marker, like a designated color. I also empower my twins to correct people when they are called by the wrong name.
All twins have physical and personality differences, even if they are subtle. Model behavior that embraces the differences in your twins and others will follow suit.
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2. Create Individual Experiences
Part of being an individual is having things that are just yours, or just for you. This can be difficult when it comes to twins. Many twins share everything like clothes, toys, a room, and even friends.
So when I encourage individuality in twins, I try to provide two separate experiences within the same activity. Maybe you have one birthday party, but two cakes. Or your twins share a room, but they each have their own area to decorate and express themselves however they see fit. Allowing my twins to create their own experiences is important.
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3. Prioritize One-on-One Time
An important way to encourage individuality in twins is prioritizing one-on-one time. Separating my twins for one-on-one time is a struggle because they really love being together. But I know how important it is for all kids to get undivided attention.
Taking just one twin with you while running errands is great for everyone. Your twin gets some alone time, and having just one with you feels like a vacation. I also try to find time with each twin where they get to control the activity.
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Encouraging Individuality in Twins IS Possible
Creating a culture of individuality with your twins is attainable. Have conversations early and often about differences in all types of people. Seek out developmentally appropriate books (here are a few of my favorites) that reinforce this message. When you encourage individuality in twins, their bond will grow, as your twins learn that it takes two individuals to make a great pair.
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About the Author
Ali Dunn is the founder of Me Two Books, a publishing company that creates children’s books that celebrate what makes each child wonderfully unique. She is the author of the children’s books: I Was a Preemie Just Like You and One of Two, a Twin Story about Individuality. Ali is the chief mom officer of identical twins born at 28 weeks via emergency c-section. You can connect with her on her blog, Twitter, or Instagram.
